I am preparing for a surgery in the coming month and it is bringing up many emotions. It brings afresh losing my mother after a routine surgery that should have never taken her life. A routine gallbladder surgery caused her to go septic and four days later she died and this allows fear and doubt to creep in.

I have to keep choosing to take my thoughts captive and run under the shadow of my Almighty Abba and trust in Him because we all have an appointed time. If I am called home during or just preceding this surgery then I accept His will! I have a family that I must entrust into His hands, knowing they are not mine anyways and pray He will do exceedingly, abundantly more than I can ask or think in their lives.

I need to focus most on giving an account to God upon meeting Him. Will He tell me truly well done good and faithful servant? Or will I have missed out on so much? I feel my husband has family that still desperately needs saving but other than us interceding in prayer each night, should I be doing more?

Will my family truly know how much I love and appreciate them? Should I go to my dad and sister and plead with them to die to their worldly ways, have eyes to see themselves and let God in more? Have I thanked and voiced appreciation to my neighbors and friends enough?

Did I miss the calling of what God was asking me to do and disappoint Him?